Change, good or bad it's going to happen and often there is little we can do about it but make the most of it.

H. David Kowal
W2AYY

It wasn’t but a few years ago an Amateur Radio Operator’s eyes would be fixed upon a dimly lit dial as the needle bounced up and down to the crackling sounds coming from a speaker. The cool evening fall air would be warmed by the collective heat being radiated from the tubes in the different electronic devices throughout the shack. A certificate proudly framed hung in a conspicuous spot in the wall where anyone who entered could see at a glance knew that the operator was approved by the Federal Communication Commission to do what they were doing.

The current talk was about an Alfred Hitchcock’s film called “The Birds”. For the not so wanting to be scared group there was the 2-hour Mankiewicz’s film called “Cleopatra”. After a few minutes of formalities the radio Hams began rag chewing about some of the current events.

As a 13 year old I sat in wonder as I watched the radio operator periodically turn a dial or throw a switch. I heard the voice coming from the speaker say, “It took the Cuban missile crisis to get the US and Russia to finally get a “hot line” set up between us and them. You would think with the ability of putting John Glen in orbit last year we would have done it sooner, Over”

“Yea, but I think it has more likely to do with the 15,000 military advisers we have in South Vietnam. I don’t care how you look at it; nothing of any good is going to come out of it. Over”

It was early fall so the dreaded events of November 24 that happen later in Dallas, Texas had not taken place yet. It was 1963 and as a young boy growing up without a father in the 60’s I welcomed the opportunity to spend the evening with someone older that shared the same interests as I did. I enjoyed learning about electronics, Amateur Radio and Morse Code but I was still just a 13 year old kid and well, the Beatles had just released their “Please Please Me” album and the Surfaris had a really “farout” drum solo on a record called “Wipe Out". I had gotton a bass gutiar and was playing in a local band. If my memory serves me right, that was the year I discover that girls were more then soft boys.

“OK, old man, 73 to you and thanks for the QSO. Hope to talk to you again, this is W2AYY from Woodbury, New Jersey, standing by.”

After a few minutes Mr. H would turn some dial and throw a few more switches. A small dot on a 3 inch screen would come to life as he tuned the radio. The sound of a thousand bees turning off and on came over the speaker. The dancing dot began to form a circle, then a loop, and finially a cross. Mr. H. throw another switch and a large typewriter sitting in the cornor of the shack came to life. Tada thug clatta tada thug was the noise the machine made as the floor shook. I remember thinking “out’a sight”, a typewriter that types by it self.
“It looks like it is going to rain this weekend.” Mr. H. said as he pulled some of the rolled yellow paper from the machine.

“There are news agencies all over the world using RTTY. This machine decodes the signals you hear and types the information on paper. Have you been practicing your CW?”

I remembered saying yes, even though my time the previous week was eaten by school work, band rehearsal, TV and well just the normal play a 13 year old does from day to day.

It was getting late and I soon found myself jumping over the fence in his back yard and then going down the street for a few houses until I came to the apartment we my mom and I lived.

I would often lie in bed thinking about talking to people all over the world. I remember on one such visit with Mr. H., he showed me his QSL card collection from all over the world. Wow, imagine having friends all over the world and you can talk to them any time you wanted to. Soon I would fall asleep dreaming of having a radio and transmitter in my own radio shack.

It the days to come, America, like myself lost its innocents. Our beloved president was shot and killed in broad daylight in the streets of Dallas, Texas. The 15,000 military advisers turned in to thousands and thousands of troops of which many young brave men lost their lives in an undeclared war. The country was soon to be split between those for and those against the war. Before I knew it I found myself in ECOM (Electronics Command), part of the Signal Corp. with the US Army. It was 1968 and things were not getting any better. I had lost touch with Mr. H. and even though I still had an interest in Amateur Radio, I never had the time to study for the test.

The 70’s brought about the start of my family and career. I met my wife in Bible College and over the course of the next 7 years had three children, two girls and a boy. I had worked at a number of different jobs, from house parents for teenage girls, to biomedical technology. At one point in the mid seventies I was even contracted by NASA and provided telemetry support for the Apollo-Soyuz mission. In the early eighties I was managing a computer store selling Atari’s, Apples and Commodore 64 computers.

Often something would happen and I would suddenly be thrown back to the time as a young boy going over to Mr. H’s house and learning about radios. But then the phone would ring and I would come back to the real world and put if off again. At least until I had some free time, I would always tell myself.

Over forty years had past. It was 2003 and so much had changed. The world was a different place and a lot smaller. My children were all grown up. We had our first grandchild and my son had been called for active duty in Afghanistan as a MP. While the US may have lost it’s innocents in the sixties, it lost more then that in 2001 when a hand full of men filled with hate and in the name of their god brought death and destruction to our country. Every life was touched and every ideal was reevaluated and no one knew for sure what was going to happen except for one thing. And that was nothing was going to be the same anymore.

My career path had taken my down many roads. I had worked in electronics, commercial photography and graphic design, computer sales, as a technician and builder, and finally into multimedia as a designer and programmer. I had worked as the Director of Multimedia Production for five years and had been told I had a job as long as I wanted it. I could retire in 15 years or work as long as I wanted to. Along with my generous salary, bonuses and benefits I was given a fully vested pension based on my salary.

On June 6th, 2003 at 11:05 AM my world took another change. The company was having financial problems and along with 6 others, I was let go. They called it downsizing. I had been in a car accident about 4 years before then and had damaged the nerve root in my lower back going to my left leg. The company allowed me to work at home and work around my disability. I on the other hand always got my job done and never took advantage of the situation. It may take me a few extra hours to get the work finished, but if I had to do it on my own time, I made sure it was always done on time.

Within the next few days I went to see my doctor. I had been in a pain management program since the accident and had regular visits to monitor the medication. After hearing the news he said it was time I go on disability. No one was going to hire a 53 year old man with a back injury who had trouble setting, standing or walking for more the 45 minutes at a time.

My mind turned to the war stories you often hear of having to get an attorney and fighting for your rights to get Social Security. Well, I didn’t need an attorney. Within 5-6 months I was approved and I began receiving my Social Security check. An early retirement, well maybe, my body was ready but my emotional and financial state wasn’t.

While waiting for Social Security we lost everything, our home, our van, our way of life, everything changed. My Social Security was less then my mortgage for our home and the 6-month with just my wife’s income left us with bills and no way out. Forced into disability, bankruptcy, and from a 2200 square foot home with 2 fireplaces into a 900 square foot rental I found myself sinking deeper into depression.

One day my wife, I guess tired of seeing me with a long face, suggested I get my Amateur Radio License since I had talked about it almost all of our 30 years of marriage. I started studying in October of 2003 and by March of 2004 I passed elements 1, 2 & 3. This got me my General Class License.

I was so excited I tried to contact Mr. H. who I had lost contact with over the years. I wanted to finally tell him I did it. The hours he spent with me as a young boy had paid off, I finally got my Ham ticket. I soon discovered that he had passed away a few years ago. I never got to thank him, nor would I ever be able to work him on the air.

The FCC started a vanity program a few years ago where for a few extra bucks you could have any call sign you wanted if it was available. Just maybe I thought. I checked and there it was, W2AYY was available. Within 3 weeks KC0RUP had become W2AYY. Yes, I know, another W2 in zero land. But no one was going to talk me out of it.

Did it help? Did getting my Amateur Radio License help? Well if you mean did all my problems go away and flowers started going in out front lawn. Not hardly. In fact I learned a few weeks ago that the pension I had was gone. The company because of mismanagement and under funding had lost it. It to was gone.

Do I still battle depression? Do I still have trouble coming to terms with my disability and the way things have turned out. Sure I do. But I have found in Amateur Radio an opportunity to meet people from all over the world as well as great people in my own community. It has given me the opportunity to continue to use my mind and learn. But most of all it is the people. Yes I enjoy gadgets and the technology, but hearing about other people, their jobs, their families, their shacks and their rigs is what I enjoy the most.

So while I can’t say that Amateur Radio has cured me and made me well, I can say it has helped. It has given me a way to look outside myself and often given me the opportunity to look forward to tomorrow.

Do I have any regrets? Well yes, I have a few, but when it comes to Amateur Radio my only regret is that I didn’t do it sooner. What a great hobby for anybody with or without a disability. It has so many facets and variations there is something for everyone.

Now whether it is SSB, CW, RTTY or PSK31 when I sit down to talk to someone about my rig, or how a W2 came to be in zero land, I also tell them about my new granddaughter my son has after coming back from Cuba. I tell them about the new mode I want to try out. I tell them about my baby cockatiels I am raising by hand. And when it’s their turn I listen about their family, and their rig, and their jobs. And then I discover the true magic of Ham radio. Along the way I find that I made another friend, someone I didn’t know before has become someone just next door because of a little black box and a few feet of wire.

The music and the movies have changed. The country and the world have changed. Even the hobby has changed. The staring at a dimly lit needle bouncing back and forth has been replaced with a little green line streaming down a waterfall on a personal computer screen. Yes, even I have changed, but as long as people care about one another, as long as people are willing to help one another as long as people are willing to make friends and be friends then one thing will not change. And this is what I want to hold on to with this hobby, this is the one thing that makes it all worth wild. To hear that voice from a little black box coming from some corner of the world saying, “Your 59 old man, fine business on your rig, what’s your QTH and tell me, how did a W2 come to be in Zero land? W2AYY this is KC0RUP over!”